Real-ationship | Understanding a mature relationship

Do you remember the day you were contemplating your self-worth over a failed relationship? Or the day you were crying to Arijit Singh (or Taylor Swift :P) reminiscing your past love? Nonetheless, do you also remember the day you didn’t feel a thing in your bones and had completely moved on? Teenage life was such a roller-coaster when it came to relationship and love..

They say that time heals, and trust me they are right.

With time, not just your relationship but also your definition of relationship will change. As you become an adult you will learn to love yourself, to settle for what’s right for you and to put yourself first..

You will identify those red flags and treat breakups as lessons. This will all come to you when you realize that being in a relationship is not just restricted to being in love or having something romantic, it’s SO MUCH MORE..

But how to forget someone you love? How to get over someone? How do you know who is ‘the one’ for you?

All these unanswered, vague questions pretty much consume our brain in our teenage years. Fairytales and folklores have depicted ‘the perfect ending’ with the ‘perfect partner’ who coincidently have all qualities a girl/guy want in their other half. Movies and Netflix TV series glorify toxic relationship and portray misogynistic, controlling and possessive characters as the ‘ideal’ type. *Yes, I am talking about Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf’s relationship, don’t come @ me pls*

All these unrealistic qualities set our standards so high that we forget to differentiate between real life and reel life. *lol I had to use that, sorry not sorry*.

So I interviewed some of my friends who are in a healthy relationship and can give us dating advice- and here are few things that I concluded about what an ideal relationship should look like.. (no this is not your typical reddit relationship advice)

1) Opposites don’t always attract- Yes, I know physics says that opposites attract, but this is real life. If you’re opposites in every sense, then most probably you’ll end up arguing over petty issues.

In our teens, we think relationship is all about connection- neglecting the fact that compatibility is equally important. You might have different interests and passion, but the core- the foundation should be the same.

Relationship= Connection + Compatibility

2) Find someone who adds value to your life- This is SO important yet something most people overlook. If your partner cannot contribute to your life in a positive way, there won’t be any growth in your relationship. It will die out quickly. Both partners should contribute equally and help the other person be a better version of themselves. Now that’s a healthy relationship.

3) Personality>Looks – I am sorry to burst your bubble but very few guys can compete with Ryan Reynolds- funny, successful and attractive. I mean not all of us are Serena from Gossip Girl either (Blake Lively, I know). But yes, imagine being with someone who is a 10/10 on the attractive scale but a 0/10 on the personality spectrum..nahh. But do you know what’s actually attractive- trust, loyalty, effort, intelligence and humility.

4) Respecting boundaries- Now that we have entered adulthood, we all know how important it is to set few boundaries and respect the other person’s space. You can’t expect them to be available 24/7. This is not high-school love or puppy love. This is adulthood where people have other commitments and priorities. So mutual understanding of the situation and removing time for each other whilst respecting each other’s personal space will bring more stability.

5) Communication is the key- As we get older, we tend to share less stuff. However, the key to a successful relationship is effective communication. You NEED to communicate with your partner and be transparent about your feelings. This will bring security and comfort in the longer run and will help you understand your partner at a much deeper level.

6) You gotta vibe- No, I don’t mean checking horoscopes, zodiac signs or making love charts. Your energy level should match with each other. If you want keep the spark lit, you need to have fun together; explore places and try out new things. Spend quality time with each other so that your relationship stays alive and doesn’t get lost in this monotonous life.

7) The concept of multiple soulmates- Yes, you heard it right. The other day, I was reading Paul Coelho’s Brida which spoke about the concept of soulmates and twin flames and I personally agree with the theory of having more than one soulmate.

You might not find everything in one person, but you can find at least one thing you want in different people in your life.

All said and done, if you’re in a healthy and happy relationship with your teenage love, then stick to it because that’s rare to find in this generation. I know that being an adult might get pretty lonely at times and you might feel the need to have someone you can lean on, but don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve and trust me, you deserve the world. You truly become a grown-up when you make your relationship a part of your life and not your life.